Ode to a Summer’s Day at the Oregon National Primate Research Center (a Shakespearean sonnet)
The wind blows softly on the summer day,
Relaxing out on the wooden bench.
We expect to smell a fragrant bouquet,
But we gag from the putrid monkey stench.
What does a monkey smell like? You may ask—
Take the smelliest things in creation,
Mix them all together and in them bask;
All will pray for mercy in prostration.
The adult monkeys smell the worst of all,
Covered in mud and blood and grime and poo.
But the babies with cuteness will enthrall,
No vomitous stench, only cute lil’ coos.
In the catch, times it by infinity.
The smell makes me want a lobotomy.
*****
Minesweeper (a haiku)
Click. Click. Right click. Click.
One wrong move and it’s over.
Click. Click—BOOM! Dang it.
*****
How High-Fructose Corn Syrup Killed My Dream To Be America’s Next Top Model.
O sweet sugary goodness!
How you make my sodas complete!
Rife with enough chemical compounds
To rot out my teeth.
O great causer of obesity in mice!
Author of leptin resistance!
You taste so exquisite,
Yet you will be the death
Of my dream to be a super-model.
That dream was already quashed, however,
By neither of my parents being over six feet tall.
So we shall be friends, my sweet lover.
Come, give mama some sugar!
